Diagnosis

foxy lady sketch

A sly fox of a character, she would lurk on the edges, the outskirts of galas and fun parks. Luring weary fun seekers unaware.

An introverted pied piper without the music, leading with underlying themes.

And what of the rats and children? The worldings she might prey to steal? For certainly the cliff would be but a door or tunnel. Like the old closet which lead the chosen to Narnia and left the others knocking their heads into the wall crying,

“There is nothing here!”

And on the other side, a nurturing land for undiagnosed madness. Raising specialist spies to infiltrate the world of what is with what was.

Not what was before there, but what had been before within us.

Prompt from dailypost.wordpress.com:

Be the Change

Experiment: Allan Carr’s Quit Smoking

Allan Carr claims that, despite what most smokers believe, quitting smoking is EASY

smoking in the country

Allan’s book challenged and changed a lot of my perceptions around cigarette smoking. It re-established the hope I had lost at ever being free of the destructive addiction of nicotine slavery.

Your Fears are founded on a myth

He instructs you to continue smoking while reading the book and that you must not stop until you have completed the book in its entirety. Before I was even nearly finished, my fear of quitting had turned to excitement, a massive achievement all in itself right?

feeling sad in the countryside without a cigarette

The sad reality for me though — is the excitement didn’t last.

The fist 24-48 hours were easy, it did feel like a miracle. But once the first craving came, there were more. I could feel the precise moment that the ease of not smoking gave way to the mental struggle of will power against will power.

The excitement turned to a feeling of deprivation followed by extreme emotional crashing and burning.

removal of that black shadow

Allan Carr himself mentioned that as soon as quitting  becomes about willpower, you face certain  torture and your chances of success rapidly plummet.

smoking hurts and allans book

I re-read the book three times, each time following the pattern of  excitement, hope, deprivation, crash and burn. Each attempt ending in the buying of a desperate pack of cigarettes and chain smoking them all night.

 Am I free?

… not really.

Despite the eye opening points of view that Allen expressed in his book, I could not remove the core beliefs that kept me coming back to the ranks of the ash zombies.
Happy Endings